As wedding planning grinds my stress responses into dust; as I am tearing out my hair more and more at all the little details I need to manage; as I am truly wishing I could emotionally handle having an elopement because it would be so much simpler, I keep returning to one simple fact: I am crazy in love with Ogre, and I want nothing more than to pledge myself to him in a ceremony before the gods and our chosen witnesses.
And what helps with this has been listening to an Aphrodite playlist on 8tracks, because music helps me cope with life — but especially this song:
It’s a cover of Crazy in Love by Beyonce, and the fact that it’s a cover cleanses it of the taint it acquired when used for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. (Fifty Shades of Grey is about abuse, not love. I have written extensively on this in other places.) For me, at least. I can’t listen to the Beyonce version for FSOG without cringing, because the trailer played so many times it made me sick.
Still, it is a good song, and yes, it does describe a lot of my state with the Ogre.
So I listen to it on repeat, and imagine how beautiful our wedding will be, and calm my ass down so I can actually plan the thing.